I watched The Perks of Being a Wallflower this week. It really stuck with me, and I’m trying to figure out why.

The story is about Charlie, a shy, rising high school freshman who wants to be a writer (don’t they all). He ends up befriending a group of other outcasts, namely seniors Patrick and his step sister Sam who refers to Charlie’s introduction to their social circle with “Welcome to the island of misfit toys”. I can almost remember one of my friends referring to us that way 30 years ago.

It’s set in 1990, and while that is some time after my high school years, most of the music in the soundtrack could have come from my collection. It’s loaded with that kind of outcast, somewhat melancholy indie rock that I listened to then and still love. It was filmed in Pittsburgh, where I was born, and one plot point involves driving through the Fort Pitt tunnel, which I have done numerous times.

A couple of scenes take place at The Rocky Horror Picture Show. This was big in my high school years so I think this takes place toward the tail end of that phenomenon, and I’m embarrassed to say I’ve never seen it.

The mixed tape also plays a small part in this movie. I used to spend hours making them, back when it was a lot harder than today where you can just point and click and drag them into order. I used to sit in the middle of the floor with my albums (and later, CDs) spread about me, and as I listened to one song recording I would choose the other.

Someone mentioned that mixed tapes were little love notes. I’m not sure I fully buy that, but I know I made a few with that in mind.

I only received two mixed tapes in my life, one from a crazy woman and one from a friend who I am certain never had any romantic notions about me. But then again, I am still insecure enough that it is hard for me to believe that anyone has romantic notions about me (grin).

Which brings me to a couple of criticisms of the film. First, there are no fat people in it. All of the weirdos are pretty attractive and it is hard to believe that they wouldn’t somehow fit in. Emma Watson’s character Sam has a past, so perhaps that’s why she feels outcast, but these characters had pretty active social lives for misfits.

My second beef, although it is a small one, is with Emma Watson’s accent. She’s no Hugh Laurie, and while it doesn’t sound English it doesn’t sound like any American accent I’ve ever heard. Now I think she’s a fine actress, and I’ve always liked women with short hair, but I hope her next film allows her to speak naturally.

I’m not really sure why this film is stuck in my head. I think in part it is jealousy, since I am certain I have a novel inside me that I just need time in order to dig it out, and Stephen Chbosky managed to do it.

But the more I think about it, the more this movie touched on my memories of my own experiences during that period of my life. I have a very good memory, and I can remember the strength of feelings I had in high school and college that I have rarely felt since then. Sure, they were naive and immature, but they were strong – super high highs but very low lows. As I watched Charlie make friends and navigate his new social circle, plus to deal with his feelings for Sam, I couldn’t help but think of how I felt back then and the feelings I dealt with. It’s not that I want to go back to that time in my life (although I’m certain I would do a better job this time around) but those experiences were
primal, once in a lifetime, and are now over.

It’s ironic that early in the day I was browsing around the [xkcd site][4] and randomly read this comic. Kinda sums it up.

In the movie, however, I identified a lot more with the character of Patrick than Charlie … minus the whole gay thing (not that there’s anything wrong with that). I never really had a problem meeting people – I’m pretty outgoing – but I have never fit in with any of the traditional cliques. I wasn’t student government material, wasn’t a jock, didn’t play in the band, etc. I hung out with the freaks and weirdos, and am a better person because of it.

Unfortunately, the pressures of adult life don’t leave much room for big feelings. It’s all I can do to find time to eat dinner with Andrea, much less see my other friends. Thank goodness for the Internet that allows me to reach out, at least in some fashion, to them in hopes of staying in touch. This movie made me think that there is something missing in this life, and I should do something about it.

I need to go to a party – one with lots of old friends and booze. I need to have more dates with Andrea.

I need to find time to write that novel.